1. She is the one person in this whole sport of
roller derby that the very instant you looked at her,
you felt like you'd known her since you were a fetus.
She looked just like your best friend from fifth
grade, or something she did reminded you of all the
things you ever liked in anyone else.
2. She is the first person you'd call if you ever
need to get bailed out of jail. (Or in my case, ever
need to have an entire legal crusade started in your
name.)
3. She's the one who will be holding back your hair
when you puke after drinking too much, and she won't
let anyone take your picture while doing it.
4. She'll ride in the ambulance with you when you
lose a tooth, break your wrist, or tear your ACL.
She'll make you laugh the whole way to the hospital,
try to steal your pain medication (lovingly), and
sneak your favorite food and a beer into recovery.
5. She'll make her actual husband understand that if
he loves her, he's gonna have to put up with you, too,
no matter how many times you come over forcing him to
revisit all the derby-related shows on his Tivo that
you missed.
6. She may not even be your best friend in the league
or the sport, but she'd be the one you know will be
the first one to back you up, even if you're dead
wrong. She'll just tell you you've lost your fucking
mind later in private, possibly kick your ass a little
bit, and then be the only one who could ever talk your
hotheaded ass into some reason.
roller derby that the very instant you looked at her,
you felt like you'd known her since you were a fetus.
She looked just like your best friend from fifth
grade, or something she did reminded you of all the
things you ever liked in anyone else.
2. She is the first person you'd call if you ever
need to get bailed out of jail. (Or in my case, ever
need to have an entire legal crusade started in your
name.)
3. She's the one who will be holding back your hair
when you puke after drinking too much, and she won't
let anyone take your picture while doing it.
4. She'll ride in the ambulance with you when you
lose a tooth, break your wrist, or tear your ACL.
She'll make you laugh the whole way to the hospital,
try to steal your pain medication (lovingly), and
sneak your favorite food and a beer into recovery.
5. She'll make her actual husband understand that if
he loves her, he's gonna have to put up with you, too,
no matter how many times you come over forcing him to
revisit all the derby-related shows on his Tivo that
you missed.
6. She may not even be your best friend in the league
or the sport, but she'd be the one you know will be
the first one to back you up, even if you're dead
wrong. She'll just tell you you've lost your fucking
mind later in private, possibly kick your ass a little
bit, and then be the only one who could ever talk your
hotheaded ass into some reason.
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